The Simpsons - 9F15: Last Exit To Springfield (Final Delivery)

Production No. 9F15
The Simpsons

“LAST EXIT TO SPRINGFIELD"

Written by

day Kogen & Wallace Wolodarsky

Created by
Matt Groening

Developed by
James L. Brooks
Matt Groening
Sam Simon

This script ie not for publication or reproduction. No one
is autRmmized to dispose of same. If lost or destroyed,
pleas@iiliiitify Script Department.

THE CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST
CHECKING WITH TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.

Return to Script Department FINAL DELIVERY
20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
10201 W. Pico Boulevard Date 8/21/92

Los Angeles, California 90035

"LAST EXIT TO SPRINGFIELD"

Written by

Jay Kogen & Wallace Wolodarsky

Cast List

HOMER. ....0eeeee+e0ee0++DAN CASTELLANETA

MARGE... es ee eeeeee ee eee +eJULIE KAVNER

BART. 22.6 eee eee cee eens NANCY CARTWRIGHT

MCBAIN.......+20+++-+.2+.+.sHARRY SHEARER
GOON. ..ccereeeeeeeeeeee+HANK AZARIA

RECEIVER. -.+.+++-++++-+--++HANK AZARIA

@.J. SIMPSON........-.-.HIMSELF

RALPH....-.---
DR. WOLFE.........++++.+-+.+ANTHONY PERKINS
NURSE... eee eeeeeeeee6+s ANTHONY PERKINS
MAN. oe eceeeeeeeceeeeeee+DAN CASTELLANETA
CARL. ....--------------- HANK AZARIA

HOMER'S BRAIN...........DAN CASTELLANETA

PHOTOGRAPHER......------ HARRY SHEARER

QOLSLEY iiss os .eeeee+.+DAN CASTELLANETA
LENNY acasry amis 6 Pacimrateens 04 HARRY SHEARER
WORKERS....... neces ox DAN/HANK/HARRY/NANCY
KENT BROCKMAN........... HARRY SHEARER

BPU. sce ee eee eee eee eee ++HANK AZARIA

MC. cece eee eeeeeeeeee+e++HARRY SHEARER
DR. HILLBILLY.........-. DAN CASTELLANETA
CHARLIE... sccsecsceceses DAN CASTELLANETA

STRIKERS.... «see.» .DAN/HANK/HARRY/NANCY

CROWD. «20sec eee eee ee ee DAN/HANK/HARRY/JULIE

«+ee+---DAN CASTELLANETA

MOP TOP #1..
MOP TOP #2.........--+-- HANK AZARIA
MOP TOP #3..............HARRY SHEARER
BUMBLEBEE MAN...........HANK AZARIA
JUST STAMP THE TICKET MAN..HANK AZARIA

SINGERS. .-DAN/HARRY

KID. wesc ee seecceeeeceee NANCY CARTWRIGHT
GUY. cence seecceeceeeee HANK AZARIA

WIGGUM. .---.-+--+-+-+--+++--+HANK AZARIA

SNAPPY....

HOMER'S STOMACH.........DAN CASTELLANETA

BIRD. ....0++++2++++++++sHARRY SHEARER
GRAMPA. . < sinsinenieis swine -+-DAN CASTELLANETA
ROBOVS six « bie stems» earners DAN/HANK/HARRY

SKINNER. ....+22.0+..+++-+sHARRY SHEARER

SINGERS ........+++..++..++DAN/HANK/HARRY

"Last Exit To Springfield"
By
Jay Kogen & Wallace Wolodarsky
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
ESTABLISHING - MANSION ~- NIGHT SCENE 1

A huge mansion is guarded by a multi-racial band of
uniformed TOUGHS.

INT. MANSION - CONTINUOUS

An elegant cocktail party is in progress. A STRING QUARTET
PLAYS. SENATOR MENDOZA TAPS a spoon against his goblet.

MENDOZA
My friends. Tonight, we unveil my most
diabolical creation....

A pedestal rises from the floor with a WHIRRING SOUND. On
it is a small vial of neon-blue liquid.

MENDOZA (CONT'D)
«+. "Swank." (PICKING UP VIAL) Ten
times more addictive than marijuana.
The impressed GUESTS "OOOH." Mendoza raises his glass.
MENDOZA (CONT'D)
To human misery.
EVERYQNB lifts his glass. Suddenly, the ice sculpture of
Bottia@2li's Venus CRACKS open, revealing a heavily armed
MCBAIN®.
MCBAIN

Ice to see you.

McBain guns down all of Mendoza's men.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS (CONT'D)
(IMPATIENTLY) Smithers, where's that
union representative? (CHECKS WATCH)
He's twenty minutes late.
INT. SMITHERS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
SMITHERS
(INTO INTERCOM) I don't know, sir. He
hasn't been seen since he promised to
clean up the union.
CUT To:
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS

A RECEIVER runs a pass pattern. Just as he's about to
catch the ball he trips over something and falls.

RECEIVER
What the hell?
We see a large man-shaped bump in the end zone grass.
INT. BURNS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Smithers is there.
BURNS
Well if the union rep isn't going to
show up, I'd like to negotiate with
Snappy the Alligator.
SMITHERS
Very... heh, very good, sir.

He puts on a Snappy the Alligator hand puppet -- it is now
chewed up. One of the eyes is hanging: from a string.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
(GASPS) My God, Snappy, what happened
to you?

SNAPPY (SMITHERS' VOICE)
You threw me to the dogs when I
suggested you pay your taxes.

BURNS
Ah, yes.

THOUGHT BUBBLE

Above Burns we see Smithers with the SNAPPY puppet on his
hand, MOANING as the puppet is being chewed by guard dogs.

BACK TO SCENE
BURNS (CONT'D)
(LITTLE CHUCKLE) Snappy, I want you to
trim the fat from the union contract.
Burns holds up the contract.
BURNS (CONT'D)
(SINISTER) Choose well or (DOG-LIKE
SNARLS) .
ANGLE ON SNAPPY
Trembling with fear.
SNAPPY
(NERVOUS) Uh... the dental plan?
BACK TO SCENE
Burns thinks for a beat then smiles.
BURNS

The dental plan. Excellent.

4.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

Smithers and Snappy BREATHE a sigh of relief. Smithers
gives Snappy a hi-five.

CU BART'S TEETH SCENE 3

Eating a peanut butter flavored candy bar in a yellow and
blue package.

INT. SIMPSON CAR - DAY
MARGE is driving Bart, LISA and MAGGIE to the dentist.
MARGE
Bart, don't eat that candy bar! The
dentist will have a fit.
BART
(CHEWING) We pay the man good money.
Let him earn it.
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - EXAMINING ROOM

A slightly unnerving dentist, DOCTOR WOLFE, is examining
RALPH.

DR. WOLFE
How often do you brush, Ralph?
RALPH
Three times a day, sir.
DR. WOLFE
(SILKEN MENACE) Why must you turn my
office into a house of lies?
RALPH
(CRACKING) You're right, I don't brush.
(SOBS) I don't brush...
DR. WOLFE
Let's look at a picture book, (OMINOUS)

“The Big Book of British Smiles."

5.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

Dr. Wolfe shows Ralph "The Big Book of British Smiles."
Ralph looks on horrified as Dr. Wolfe flips through page
after page of yellow rotting teeth.
RALPH
(SOBBING) That's enough. That's
enough.
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM

Bart is spinning a tall tale for a small group of horrified
CHILDREN.

BART
Doctor Wolfe likes to pull kids' teeth
so he can sell then.

KID
(SCARED) To who?

BART
You know that rattle when you shake up
spray paint? That's a kid's tooth.

The kids look scared. A NURSE who looks suspiciously
like Dr. Wolfe in a wig sticks her head in.

NURSE
Bart Simpson.
The kids SHUDDER.
INT. NEMPEST'S OFFICE - EXAMINING ROOM - DAY SCENE 4

Bart MBFCKS a dental probe toward the ceiling. Dr. Wolfe
enters.

DR. WOLFE
(ANGRILY) Hey! What are you...

PAN UP to reveal. several dozen dental instruments stuck in
the ceiling.

6.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
Just for that, no lead apron during
your x-ray.
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - EXAMINING - LATER

Bart sits in the chair. Marge (HOLDING MAGGIE) talks

with Dr. Wolfe.
MARGE

How did he do, Doctor?
DR. WOLFE
(COLDLY) Despite horrible hygiene,
Bart's teeth are perfect.
Bart spits several times rapidly into the spit sink.
BART
(SPITS A FEW TIMES, THEN) Love that
spit sink.
DR. WOLFE
(ANGRILY) It's an expectoration basin!
(TO BART) My only hope is that one day
I have to identify your body by those
pretty little teeth.
Bart cockily offers the dentist some candy.
BART
Jawbreaker, doc?
DR. WOLFE
(FRUSTRATED NOISE)

He feels inside Maggie's mouth as if she were a horse.

7.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

DR. WOLFE
(STERN) Maggie's teeth are coming in
crooked. Has she been sucking on a
pacifier?
MARGE
(SCARED) Uh... not to my knowledge.
DR. WOLFE
(POINTS) LIAR!
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - EXAMINING ROOM - LATER
Dr. Wolfe examines Lisa's mouth.
DR. WOLFE
Uh-oh.
LISA
(WORRIED) What's wrong?
DR. WOLFE
Oh Lisa, I didn't mean to frighten you.
Uh-oh merely means I discovered a
problem in your mouth.
Lisa reacts. He examines her a bit then:
DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
Oh, dear God! Why her? Why herrr?
LISA
Why me?
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - STUDY - LATER SCENE 5

The Simpsons are looking at a computer screen. Maggie
takes a model tooth off Dr. Wolfe's desk and SUCKS on it.

8.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

DR. WOLFE
I'm afraid Lisa is going to need
braces.
LISA
Oh, no! I'11 be socially unpopular...
More so.
MARGE
Are you sure, Doctor?
DR. WOLFE
Well, judge for yourself. Here's Lisa
today...
A pixilated version of Lisa's face appears on screen.
DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
Without treatment, here's what she'll
look like at age eleven.

The computerized Lisa's teeth become crooked. Her overbite
gets worse.

DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
Age fourteen.

The computerized Lisa's face now has acne, an impossible
overbite, and jagged teeth at sharp angles to one another.

DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
And finally, age eighteen.
The computerized face is now a grotesque mass of bumps.
There are several rows of teeth all jutting out in
different directions. One eye is swollen shut.
LISA

(GASPS)

9.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BART
Cool. She'll be a freak.
MARGE
Bart!
BART
We can stick her in a trailer, drive
her around the South, and charge two
bits a gander.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Homer is sitting on the sofa.
ON TV
We see two professional wrestlers, DOCTOR HILLBILLY
and the IRON YUPPIE. The hillbilly wears overalls and a
mortarboard; his face is garishly painted. The Iron Yuppie
wears a suit with the sleeves ripped off, carries a
briefcase with a skull and crossbones on it, and has an
iron mask. A tuxedo-clad MC stands with them.
MC
Now stay tuned for professional
wrestling, live from the Springfield
Grapplarium! Tonight, a Texas death
match... Dr. Hillbilly vs. the Iron
Yuppie. One man will actually be
unmasked and killed in the ring!
HOMER
I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie.
Thinks he's so big.
Marge, Bart and Lisa enter.
MARGE

Homer, Lisa needs Braces.

lo.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER
Don't worry. We won a dental plan in
the strike of eighty-eight. That's

where I got this scar.

He points to a jagged forehead scar, just above his right

eye.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. NUCLEAR PLANT - 1988 - DAY SCENE 6

A strike is in progress. Sign-carrying WORKERS are
picketing the plant.

CARL
(INTO BULLHORN) What do we want?
WORKERS
More equitable treatment at the hands
of management!
CARL
When do we want it?
WORKERS
Soon!
CARL
What do we want?
WORKERS
More equitable treatment at the hands
of management.
CARL
When do we want it?
WORKERS

Soon!

11.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

PAN OVER to Homer standing at a snack truck.
HOMER
(POUNDING ON COUNTER) Where's my
burrito? Where's my burrito? Where's
my burrito?

He POUNDS so hard that the side panel swings down, CLONKING
him on the head.

HOMER (CONT'D)
(STRICKEN NOISE)
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Homer points to another scar.
HOMER
Then I got this scar sneaking under the
door of a pay toilet.
INT. UNION HALL - NIGHT SCENE 7
CLOSE UP on the Union Logo: "International Brotherhood of
Jazz Dancers, Pastry Chefs and Nuclear Technicians." WIDEN
to reveal the hall is crowded with WORKERS, GABBING and
smoking cigars.
CARL steps up to the podium.
CARL
Welcome brothers of Local 643. As you
know, our president, Chucky Fitzhugh,
ain't been seen lately. We're all
praying he'll turn up soon, alive and
well.

HEARTY LAUGHTER from the members.

12.

The crowd

The crowd
beer keg.

ON HOMER

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

CARL (CONT'D)
All right, all right, but seriously, we
have to vote on Burns' new contract.
It's basically the same deal, except we
get a free keg of beer for our
meetings.
ROARS its approval.

CARL (CONT'D)
And in exchange for that, we have to
give up our dental plan.

MUTTERS its assent. Men begin lining up at the

LENNY
(RAISING BEER GLASS) So long dental

plan!

In the line. He stops as VOICES ECHO in his head.

LENNY (V.0.)
Dental Plan.

MARGE (V.O.)
Lisa needs braces.

LENNY (V.0.)
Dental Plan.

MARGE (V.0.)
Lisa needs braces.

LENNY (V.0.)

Dental Plan.

13.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

MARGE (V.0.)
Lisa needs braces.
PULL WIDE to Carl and CHARLIE standing behind a
motionless Homer. Homer's butt crack is visible. Charlie
holds a pencil up in the air directly above Homer's butt
crack. He drops it and it lands perfectly in the butt
crease.
CARL
Bullseye! (LAUGHS)
HOMER
(ANNOYED) Thanks a lot Carl. Now I've
lost my train of thought.
Homer goes back to thinking.
LENNY (V.0.)
Dental Plan.
MARGE (V.O.)
Lisa needs braces.
LENNY (V.0.)
Dental Plan.
MARGE (V.0.)
Lisa needs braces.
HOMER
(SLOWLY REALIZING) If we give up our
dental plan, I'll have to pay for
Lisa's braces.
Homer jumps up on a chair.
HOMER (CONT'D)
People stop! We can't give up our

dental plan!

14.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

The members quiet down and listen.
HOMER
Lenny, without the dental plan, you

wouldn't have that diamond in your

tooth.
Lenny smiles. We see a diamond in his tooth. Another guy
reaches into Lenny's mouth and pulls out the diamond.
GUY
Yoink!
LENNY
Hey!
He runs off.
HOMER

And Gummy Joe, where would you be
without the dental plan?

We see an old prospector type sitting in the crowd. He
smiles revealing he has only one tooth.

GUMMY JOE
(WALTER BRENNAN TYPE VOICE) I wouldn't
have old chomper here, that's for sure.
HOMER
You know what I think of this contract?

Homer grabs the contract and starts tearing it up making
GROWLING noises. He comes upon a page and stops.

HOMER (CONT'D)
This!! (IMPRESSED) Hm. Now that's
downright generous.

He notices the crowd staring at him and resumes tearing up
the contract and growling. The workers CHEER him on.

15.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER
(CONTINUES GROWLING) I hate the whole
thing -- even the staple.
ANGLE ON
the keg pump. It rotates like a periscope toward Homer.
CUT TO:
INT. NUCLEAR PLANT ~ BURNS! OFFICE - CONTINUOUS SCENE 8
We see Burns watching Homer on a monitor.
BURNS
Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
SMITHERS
That's Homer Simpson, sir.
BURNS
Simpson, eh?... New man?
SMITHERS
Actually sir, he thwarted your campaign
for governor... you ran over his son...
his wife painted your portrait --
BURNS
Doesn't ring a bell.
INT. UMEON HALL - CONTINUOUS
The wexkers are all CHANTING "Homer, Homer, Homer."
CARL
I move that Homer Simpson be our new
union president. All in favor...
CROWD

Aye!

16.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

CARL
All opposed?
MAN
(DROOPY VOICE) Nay.
CARL
Congratulations, Homer!
Homer is carried off on the shoulders of CHEERING workers.
HOMER
(EXCITED) Hey, what does this job pay?
CARL
Nothin'.
HOMER
(ANNOYED GRUNT)
CARL
.».. Unless you're crooked.
HOMER
Woo hoo!
The crowd toasts Homer with beer.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

17.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92 18.

ACT _TWO
FADE IN:i
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING SCENE 9
The family is at the breakfast table.
MARGE
President of the union! I'm so proud
of you, Homie.
LISA
This is your chance to get a fair shake
for the working man.
HOMER
And make life-long connections to the
world of Organized Crime.
LISA
Do you think you can get the dental
plan back?
HOMER
Well, that depends on who's a better
negotiator, Mr. Burns or me.
BART
(HOLDING DOOR STOP) Dad, I'll trade you
this delicious door stop for your
crummy ol' donut.
HOMER
(PLEASED) Done and done! Heh, heh, heh.
(REALIZING, ANNOYED GRUNT)

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

Lisa looks worried.
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE - EXAMINING ROOM - DAY

Dr. Wolfe shows Lisa and Marge an almost invisible set of
plastic braces.

DR. WOLFE
Lisa and Marge, we've made remarkable
strides in the field of braceomasty.
These braces are invisible, painless,
and periodically release a delightful
burst of strawberry.
He pushes a tiny button. The braces emit a pink mist.
LISA
(SNIFFS) Mmmm.
MARGE
(UNCOMFORTABLY) Doctor, we don't have a
dental plan right now. So we'll need
something a little more... affordable.

Dr. Wolfe picks up a stryofoam head. On it is a set of
clunky metal braces with big clumsy headgear.

DR. WOLFE
Now I can't tighten these too much or
they legally become fox traps.

He remawes them, BLOWS the dust off and holds them up to
Lisa's face who COUGHS.

DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
These predate stainless steel, so you

can't get them wet.

19.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

INT. NUCLEAR PLANT - BURNS' OFFICE - DAY SCENE 10

Burns is watching Homer on a monitor. Homer is vigorously
twisting his upper body from side to side.

BURNS
Hmm, he's a worthy foe. Look at hin,
Smithers. Exercising away while the
others are off at the candy machine.
CUT TO:
INT. NUCLEAR PLANT - HOMER'S WORK STATION - CONTINUOUS
Homer GRUNTS as he continues to twist his torso. We see
that he is trying to reach a Sugar Daddy that is stuck to
the back of his shirt.
HOMER
Hey, Lenny, can you get this Sugar
Daddy off my back?
Lenny enters.
LENNY
Okay, but it's the last time.
INT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - BURNS' OFFICE - LATER
Homer and Burns face off across Burns' desk.
BURNS
We don't have to be adversaries, Homer.
We both want a fair union contract.
We DRIFT IN on Homer's forehead.
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0)
Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
BURNS
And, if you scratch my back, I'll

scratch yours.

20.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0)
Wait a minute. Is he coming on to me?
BURNS
I mean, if I should slip something into
your pocket, what's the harm?
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0)
Oh my God, he is coming on to me.
BURNS
After all, negotiations make strange
bedfellows. (CHUCKLES, WINKS, CLICKS
TONGUE)
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0O)
Yikes!
HOMER
Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for
these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm
flattered... maybe even a little
curious, but the answer is no.
Homer walks decisively out the door.
EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - HALLWAY
BURNS (0.S.)
I'll pay you $10,000!

Homer stops, intrigued. Burns sticks his head out of the
door and gives a fetching "come hither" look.

HOMER
(DISGUSTED NOISE)

Homer walks off.

21s

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92 22.

INT. DENTIST OFFICE - EXAMINING ROOM = DAY p=ist 11
Lisa is in the chair.
DR. WOLFE
Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show
you some of the tools I'll be using.
He holds up a series of frightening-looking instruments.
DR. WOLFE (CONT'D)
This is the scraper. This is the
poker. And this happy little fellow is
the gouger.
LISA
(SMALL VOICE) Uh huh.
DR. WOLFE
Now, the first thing I'll be doing is
chiseling some teeth out of your jaw-
bone. Hold still while I gas you.
LISA'S POV

Dr. Wolfe places a mask over Lisa's face. We hear her
BREATHING as we fade to black.

LISA'S DREAM
As 60'S MUSIC PLAYS, Lisa finds herself in a Peter Max-
type setting. Four CARTOON MOP TOPS sail by in a yellow
subnermible.
MOP TOP #1
Look fellas! It's Lisa in the sky.
MOP TOP #2

No diamonds, though.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

MOP TOP #3
Look out for that campy drawing of
Queen Victoria!

The CRASH SCREAMING into a large, campy drawing of Queen
Victoria.

MOP TOPS (V.0)
(GROANING) For the love of God, help
us! (ETC.)
CLOSE UP LISA'S EYES
They SNAP open.
In a LONG SHOT, Dr. Wolfe is twisting the last bits of wire
onto Lisa's teeth. Lisa's back is to the camera a la the
plastic surgeon scene in "Batman." Dr. Wolfe steps back to
admire his work. Lisa extends an open hand.
LISA
The mirror. (BEAT) The mirror!
The Doctor tentatively hands Lisa a small mirror.

Lisa looks at herself and begins a slow LAUGH which builds
to a crescendo. She SMASHES the mirror on the work tray.

INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING SCENE 2

Homer sits on the couch, Marge and Lisa enter. Lisa is
wearing the braces and headgear.

MARGE
(CHEERING HER UP) Honey, you look fine.
SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER runs up to greet Lisa. She grins and
the dog runs away YELPING. Lisa trudges sadly up the
stairs. The doorbell RINGS.
HOMER
(YELLS) Who is it?
GOON (0.S.)

(MUFFLED) Goons.

23.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

Homer goes to the door.
HOMER
who?
GOON (0.S.)
(MUFFLED) Hired goons.
HOMER
(CONFUSED) Hired goons?

Homer opens the door. Two HIRED GOONS grab Homer and carry
him off.

EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

The goons shove Homer into the trunk of a black four-door
sedan and speed off.

INT. BURNS' MANOR - AVIARY NIGHT

Burns is in a huge room filled with birds. Next to him
is a BIRD that looks like Burns.

BIRD
(BURNS-LIKE NOISE)

The bird flies into frame and disappears like the parrot
in "Citzen Kane." The goons bring Homer in.

BURNS
Ah, Homer! I hope Crusher and Low Blow
didn't hurt you.

HOMER
You know, you could have just called
me.

BURNS
Oh yes, but the telephone is so
impersonal. I prefer the hands-on

touch you only get with hired goons.

24.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER
Hired goons?

INT. BURNS! MANOR - TV ROOM

Homer is drinking beer from a fancy mug. He and Burns look

up at a gigantic TV screen.
BURNS
This is the largest TV in the free

world.

Burns FLICKS the TV on and a four-story high BUMBLEBEE MAN

appears.

ON TV

Bumblebee Man enters BRUSHING his teeth. He pulls down the

bed covers revealing a skunk.
BUMBLEBEE MAN
Aiiee! Un gato malodoro!
BURNS
(DISGUSTED NOISE)
Burns CLICKS off the TV.

INT. BURNS' MANOR - LARGE ROOM - DAY

We see many monkeys chained to typewriters. Burns

leads Homer past.

BURNS

This is a thousand monkeys working at a

thousand typewriters. Soon they'll

have written the greatest novel known

to man.

He takes a sheet out of a monkey's typewriter.

25.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS (CONT'D)
Let's see. (READING) "It was the best
of times. It was the blurst of times?"
You stupid monkey!
Burns crumples the paper and throws it at the monkey.
MONKEY
(MONKEY SHRIEKS)
BURNS
Ohh, shut up.
INT. BURNS! HALLWAY - NIGHT
Burns and Homer stand outside a door.
BURNS
And this is my favorite room of all.

Burns opens the door and we see a giant room with TWO
GLADIATORS FIGHTING.

HOMER
Wow! What are those two doing?
BURNS.
I haven't the foggiest. (TO GLADIATORS)
Stop that, you two! Stop it at once.
The embarrassed gladiators stop and exit.
GLADIATOR #1
Sorry.
GLADIATOR #2
Sorry.
INT. BURNS' MANOR - BASEMENT - NIGHT

All we see is black.

26.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS (V.0O)
And this is my basement.

Burns CLICKS on a bare light bulb. We see a small
unfinished basement with a Ping-pong table.

HOMER
(LOOKING AROUND) Gee, it's not as nice
as the other rooms.
BURNS
Yes, I really should stop ending the
tour with it.
ANGLE ON HOMER
Drinking a beer. He looks uncomfortable.
BACK TO SCENE
BURNS
Now, let's get down to business.
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0O)
Oh man, I've really got to go to the
bathroom. Why did I have all that beer
and coffee and watermelon?
BURNS
Now, Homer, I know what you're thinking
and I want to take the pressure off.
It doesn't take a whiz to see that
you're looking out for number one.
Well, listen to me and you'll make a
big splash very soon.
HOMER
(PAINED) Which way to the bathroom?

27.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
Oh. It's the twenty-third door on the
left.
Homer rushes out.
INT. BURNS' MANOR - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Homer is opening and closing doors, looking for the
bathroom.

HOMER
Nope. Nope. Nope.
INT. BURNS' MANOR - BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS SCENE 14
BURNS
(CRESTFALLEN) Ah, he wouldn't even
hear me out. This man is a formidable
opponent, Smithers... a true Mrs.
Fields to my Famous Amos!
Homer enters.
HOMER
(SATISFIED NOISE)
BURNS
Find the bathroom alright?
HOMER
(LYING) Uh... yeah.
EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - NIGHT
Burns' helicopter lands on the front lawn. It BLOWS
shingles off the roof and lawn furniture bangs around.

Homer gets out and Marge runs up to meet him. The
helicopter blades chop off the top six inches of her hair.

28.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
Well, you've won this round Simpson,
but I'll grind you into the earth like
a bug! (EVIL LAUGH)

The helicopter rises out of frame. After a beat, Burns
falls out of the helicopter and lands on the lawn.

BURNS
Simpson, be a dear and rub my legs till
the feeling comes back.
EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LATER

Homer and Marge watch as a heavily bandaged Burns is
placed on a cot and airlifted out by helicopter.

BURNS
A bug, I tell you! A bug! (EVIL LAUGH
WHICH FADES)

HOMER
(SIGHS) I'm gonna resign. I don't know
why they made me Union President in the
first place.

MARGE
Becuase they love you down at the
plant.

HOMER
Yeah, you're right. Guys are always
patting my bald head for luck...
pinching my belly to hear my girlish

laugh...

29.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

MARGE
(MURMURS) That doesn't sound like they
like you at all.
HOMER
Ya know, I think you're right. First
thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch
Lenny in the back of the head.
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY - GYM - DAY Cc: 15
There is a banner on the wall reading: "PICTURE DAY."
SKINNER
Batten down those cowlicks...
straighten that part... uncross those
eyes, Mister.
QUIGLEY
But I can't.
SKINNER
Oh, sorry Quigley.

The PHOTOGRAPHER is trying to take Lisa's picture. Lisa
does not smile.

PHOTOGRAPHER
Come on, honey, smile.
Still no reaction.
PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT'D)
I bet you've got a beautiful smile.
Why don't you share it with the world?
Lisa smiles, revealing a grotesque tangle of metal.
PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT'D)

Oh my God.

30.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

He snaps a picture. Lisa looks unhappy.
INT. UNION HALL - NIGHT
Homer is at the podium.
HOMER
Fellow workers, I've been meeting with
Mr. Burns day and night and I've had
enough.
LENNY
Just say the word and we'll strike!
HOMER
(STUPIDLY) Wha?
LENNY
That's close enough for me. Strike!
Strike! Strike!
WORKERS
Strike! Strike! strike!
CARL

All in favor of a strike...

WORKERS
Aye!

CARL
All opposed?

MAN

(DROOPY VOICE) Nay.
HOMER

Who keeps saying that?

The crowd all turns to a very nerdy-looking MAN in the

back.

314

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

MAN
(DROOPY VOICE) It was hin.
He points to a MUSCULAR MAN sitting next to him.
MAN (CONT'D)
(DROOPY VOICE) Let's get him, fellows.

The crowd MURMURS and swarms all over the muscular man.
FADE OUT

END OF ACT Two

32.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. NUCLEAR PLANT - DAY SCENE 16

A group of WORKERS is picketing outside the main gate.
Their signs read "On Strike."

Off to the side Lisa PLAYS an acoustic guitar and SINGS a
protest song.

LISA

Come gather ‘round children/ It's high-
time ye learns/ 'Bout a hero named
Homer/ And a devil named Burns/ He tore
up our dental plan/ That twisted old
miser/ Now there's a pain/ In my left
incisor.

MONTAGE AS THE SONG PLAYS

A. In the Kwik-E Mart, WORKERS crowd around a bin of
protest signs.

APU
(HAWKING) Generic picket signs, five
dollars!

A WORKER grabs two signs reading "WE WANT MORE ir
and "DEATH TO an

B. We see a crowd of workers rocking a police car, making
GRUNTING noises. Inside Wiggum has his feet on the dash
and his hands behind his head as the car rocks.
WIGGUM
Ahhh. This is the life.

Cc. Burns looks out the window at the picketing workers.

33.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
Smithers, get me some strike breakers
like the kind they had in the 30's.
INT. BURNS' OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER SCENE 17

He stands in front of eighty-year-old STRIKE BREAKERS,
including GRAMPA and JASPER.

GRAMPA
We can't bust heads like we used to,
but we have our ways.

OLD JEWISH GUY
We tell “em we're not feelin' right and
make “em take us to the hospital... heh
heh.

GRAMPA
Another trick is to tell them stories
that don't go anywhere... Like the
time I caught the ferry over to
Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for
my shoe, so I decided to go to
Morganville, which is what they called
Shelbyville in those days. So I tied
an onion to my belt, which was the
style at the time...

D. Burns and Smithers stand in front of the picket line,
Burns holding a high-pressure hose.

BURNS
Full power, Smithers.

Smithers turns on the water full blast. Burns clings to
the hose and is flung all over the parking lot.

34.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
(SCREAMS)
EXT. NUCLEAR PLANT - DAY
LISA
(SINGS) So we'll march day and night/
By the big cooling tower/ They have the
plant/ But we have the power.
LENNY
Now do "Classical Gas."
Lisa segues into "CLASSICAL GAS" on her guitar.
INT. NUCLEAR PLANT - BURNS! OFFICE
BURNS! POV

Through binoculars we see Homer picketing outside. Burns
lowers the binoculars.

BURNS
Oooo, look at him strutting around like
he's cock of the walk. Well, let me
tell you, Homer Simpson is cock of
nothing.
INSERT SHOT
Smithers reacts.
BACK Td SCENE
BURNS (CONT'D)
(TO SMITHERS) This is the perfect
chance for us to try out those new

Japanese robots.

35.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

INT. NUCLEAR PLANT HALLWAY - DAY SCENE 18

We see 40's-style ROBOTS with clunky feet chasing Burns
down the hall.

ROBOTS
Crush, kill, destroy...
BURNS
(CLICKS HIS TONGUE) Oh, that was
quick. They turned on me before I got
them out of the crate.
INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN - DAY
Marge and Homer are at the kitchen table going over bills.
MARGE
Homer, our savings are gone.
HOMER
(WORRIED) I never thought the strike
would last forty-eight hours.
MARGE
I'm going to have to get a job.
HOMER
Job?
PAN UP to Homer's Brain.
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.0O.)
(FIRMLY) No wife of mine is going to
work.
PAN DOWN to Homer's Stomach which SPEAKS much louder.
HOMER'S STOMACH (V.O.)

I need food!

36.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER'S BRAIN (V.O.)
Sorry, sir.
INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY
Marge mans a snack table.
MARGE
(TO SHOPPERS) Try our new pork
substitute. There's no pig in Por-que!
JUST STAMP THE TICKET MAN
Yeah, like I care.
He walks past.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO 8C) 19

KENT BROCKMAN sits in the Smartline set with Homer, Burns,
and DR. JOYCE BROTHERS.

MUSIC: SMARTLINE THEME
KENT BROCKMAN
Tonight on Smartline -- The Power Plant
Strike: Argle-bargle or Foofaraw? With
us tonight are plant owner C.M. Burns;
union kingpin Homer Simpson; and talk
show mainstay Dr. Joyce. Brothers.
DR. JOYCE
(PROUDLY) I brought my own mike!
She points to the microphone clipped on her blouse.
BURNS
What's she doing here? She doesn't

know anything about labor relations.

37.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

DR. JOYCE
Hey, when you're on twelve hundred game
shows you pick up a few things.

KENT BROCKMAN
Yes, well, Homer, could you lay out
your union's position in thirty
seconds?

HOMER
(TAKEN ABACK) Thirty seconds? Phew.
Well I'll try. (SPEAKING VERY SLOWLY)
We... want... our... den-tal...

DR. JOYCE
Kent?

KENT BROCKMAN
Yes, Dr. Joyce.

DR. JOYCE
I'm afraid I have to leave. I have to
get over to the set of the new Ernest
movie.

KENT BROCKMAN
Oh, you have a part in it?

DR. JOYCE
No, but I thought I'd hang around and

see what shakes loose.

38.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

KENT BROCKMAN
Well, we're almost done. Mr. Burns,
you mentioned you wanted a closing
tirade.

BURNS
Thank you, Kent. (TO CAMERA) Fifteen
minutes from now I will wreak a
terrible vengeance on this city. No

one will be spared. No one!

KENT BROCKMAN
(CHUCKLES) A chilling vision of things
to come. Homer, any thoughts?
HOMER
When does that Ernest movie come out?
DR. JOYCE
Well, let's see... they start shooting

today... it should be out in about a

month.
HOMER
Woo hoo!
INT. MIMCLEAR POWER PLANT - NIGHT SCENE 20

Burns, Smithers in tow, BURSTS through double doors
reading “Authorized Personnel Only." He arrives at another
door reading "KEEP OUT." He plants his face in a face
recognition device and the door BUZZES open. They go
through to a wall of books. Burns pulls out one of the
books and the wall spins around, depositing Burns and
Smithers in a secret chamber. They see the back door is
open to the street. A dog wanders in.

39%

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

BURNS
Oh for God's sake.

He shuts the door. Burns and Smithers move to a large
control panel.

BURNS
(EVILLY) Goodbye, Springfield. From
hell's heart I stab at thee!
He pulls a big lever. Tinny Muzak starts to PLAY.
SINGERS (V.O.)
Winchester Cathedral/ You're bringing
me down...
SMITHERS
I think it's the other switch, sir.
BURNS
Ah, yes.
Burns pulls another lever.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD - NIGHT

In an aerial view we see lights going out all over the
city.

EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT

PEOPLE stroll the sidewalks. Suddenly the power goes out.
Everyone instantly begins SMASHING windows and looting
stores.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER BUILDING - NIGHT

A Times Square-like electronic billboard wraps around the
building. It spells out "Total Blackout in Springfield."

EXT. POWER PLANT - FRONT GATES - NIGHT

A few tired PICKETERS march. The street lights go out.

For a moment there is silence... and then Lisa starts to
SING the union song. Homer, then the other workers join in
one-by-one.

40.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

LISA
(SINGS) So we'll march day and night/
HOMER
By the big cooling tower...
One by one the workers join in.
WORKERS
(SINGING) They have the plant/ But we
have the power...
INT. NUCLEAR PLANT - BURNS’ OFFICE - CONTINUOUS SCENE 21

Burns watches the SINGING workers, then grabs Smithers by
the lapels a la The Grinch.

BURNS
(SING-SONG) Look at them all, through
the darkness I'm bringing. They're not
sad at all, they're actually singing!
They sing without juicers! They sing
without blenders! They sing without
flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!
(SIGHS HEAVILY) Tell Simpson I'm ready
to deal
INT. NUCLEAR PLANT - BURNS' OFFICE - NIGHT
Burns am Homer face off at opposite ends of a long table.
BURNS
Simpson, here's my offer. A ten
percent pay raise across the board,
four weeks vacation, and batteries in

the smoke detectors.

41.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

Homer looks at his hand. The words "Dental Plan" are
written on it.

HOMER
(SHAKES HIS HEAD) Sorry.
BURNS
Well what do you want?!
Homer holds out his hand for Burns to read.
BURNS
(READING) "Pick up bread?"
HOMER
Whoops. Heh, heh.
He holds out his other hand, the one reading "Dental Plan."
BURNS
(EXPLODES) All right! You can even
have the dental plan!... On one
condition. (AS IF HOLDING TRUMP CARD)
You must resign as head of the union.
HOMER
Woo hoo!

Homer flops on his side and "runs" in a circle like Curly
Howard.

HOMER
(CURLY HOWARD NOISES)

BURNS.
Smithers, I'm beginning to think that
Homer Simpson was not the brilliant

tactician I thought he was.

42.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92

HOMER

Woop, woop, woop! Woop, woop, woop!
EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - FRONT GATE - NIGHT SCENE 22
Homer strides out triumphantly.

HOMER

We're going back to work!
The workers CHEER.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD - NIGHT
The lights come on all over the city.
EXT. RED LIGHT DISTRICT - NIGHT
The gaudy signs which read "Nudes at Eleven," "The
Horny Toad," (we see a lecherous looking toad, tongue
hanging out) and "Adam & Adam" light up.
INT. FACTORY - NIGHT
A sign reads "Fake Vomit, Inc." An assembly line ROARS
to life. We see a nozzle BELCHING out globs of rubber
vomit onto a conveyor belt with a RUDE NOISE. Assembly
line WORKERS CHEER.
INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE — DAY
CLOSE UP

Lisa flashes a beautiful smile. WIDEN to see the
Simpsons and Doctor Wolfe looking on.

MARGE
Oh, honey, you can hardly see your new
braces.
LISA
And that's the tooth!
The Simpsons and Doctor Wolfe LAUGH long and hard.
DR. WOLFE

Oops. I left the gas on.

43.

9F15 FINAL DELIVERY 8/21/92 44.

They resume LAUGHING.
FADE OUT:

ND_O: (ej 'HREE